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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

How I Got My Gift of Faith

I had a bible study this morning with my playgroup and we discussed "Giving Your Children the Gift of Faith." We were told to list five things we could do as a mom to incorporate God's Word and the idea of faith more effectively into our everyday family life. The study also recommended we make a bedtime story out of a past experience when we had to walk by faith. The entire time the four of us moms put our heads together to figure out the best way to teach our bouncy, little toddlers to have unwavering faith in Him.

Some ideas were thrown around...

Display scripture throughout your house. Read a Children's Bible nightly as you tuck them in bed. Use challenging situations as teaching moments. Recite Scripture to them. Explain how they are perfectly and beautifully made with the hands of God.

These are all so wonderful. Brett and I give our best attempt to follow that list of ideas.

We certainly aren't new to the idea of having complete trust in Him. Since the moment we met it seemed life was hectic and swerving in this direction then that direction and then back again. Many of the bumps along the way are too personal for me to share here, but several you may already know. Big life changes was the theme of our lives! Moves, new jobs, marriage, sickness, death, betrayal (not within our relationship), new friendships, no church to call home, then a big, new church, puppies, pregnancy, disease, insomnia, pain, sadness, frustration, and newborn. All words that describe the roller coaster of a ride that was our life.

And every minute, every up and down, every long night tested that solid faith God wants us to possess. To be honest, more than not we probably weren't relying on God and submitting to Him knowing he had a greater plan. It's not that we didn't believe God was going to bring good out of so many difficult things, that thought just wasn't at the forefront of our minds. At least it wasn't for me. But God knew. He knew that growth in our faith and trust was very necessary. Eventually we were forced to.

There came a time when there was nothing to do but trust. That is a humbling moment. I can picture God thinking, 'Finally! It's about time.'

Before we knew it our faith wasn't just a tad bit of weak, desperate faith it was a solid, rock-hard foundation for our lives here on out! With that came HOPE. Did you know that hope can open your eyes bigger than ever before, allowing you to see Him in everything around you? It opened a whole new perspective for me. A sparkling, colorful new world.

Hope diminished self-pity, stomped on depression, and crushed darkness.

Hope pours out self-confidence. It lifts you up onto your feet. And it turns on all the lights along your path.

God breathed the beautiful gift of hope into my nearly hopeless soul.

There's a moment I had about a month ago that I will never forget. After suffering from a messy mixture of physical pain, sleeplessness and migraines for nearly 3 years I had about just given up on doctors. I was fed up with them and their fancy degrees, and high co-pays and inability to listen to me and my story. They all had the answer...until one day they didn't. With a shrug of the shoulders and a pitying smile, they sent me on to the next specialist. The last doctor's office that did that to me, I basically ran out of the doors crying tears of total defeat. A very pathetic scene, but one that I was the star of, nonetheless.

A few days later I picked myself up a bit and remembered how several friends who knew of my situation recommended I try acupuncture. I hadn't paid much attention to their suggestion, because, well, it's acupuncture. I know I'm not alone when I say it didn't seem very "medical." "Weird" and "painful" were the adjectives I was thinking. A bit reluctantly, I went to my first visit and got pricked with teeny tiny needles. Ironically, 30 needles sticking all over me put me into a very relaxed state. After the acupuncture, you get a massage and I just about passed out from so much relaxation! Apparently, the needles help your body release not only pain, but stress and anxiety. It was wonderful. But the pain quickly worsened that evening. Although it was expected (the needles stir everything up, therefore causing more pain at first), I certainly wasn't planning on a second visit.

Dawn broke and I was up and going the next day. It took me a few minutes to realize, 'Wait, why is this all so easy? Why do I feel light and happy?'

I was just standing there in my robe and messy bun making coffee. That was it. No hand over my eyes, or massaging my temples and jaw. No groaning. No stretching. No dreading the day. No feeling of despair or frustration.

No. Pain.

I was in shock! How in the heck did something so silly like acupuncture work?? And work overnight?!

As I took a shower, all of the sudden was overwhelmed with a vision in my mind that I know was from God. I saw him looking down at me with a soft smile saying, 'I told you I would take care of you. I told you I'd be there.' I cried and cried as the warm water washed away my doubts, my fears and cleansed me with my Father's sweet, love. It's a moment I'll always remember.

Acupuncture has been wonderful, but it didn't take away the pain every time like it did that first visit. But God wanted to bless me with that relief from the pain to teach me about faith in our relationship together. He turned another light on along my path so I could take a step. Just one. And that's all I needed.

So why is it so dang, hard for us to naturally just have complete faith in our Creator? Maybe because the whole idea goes against our instincts or rationale.

I do know that as we were talking about how to instill unwavering trust in God in our children, I realized they should be the ones doing the teaching. Babies are born with ability to 100 percent rely on their parents. They quickly learn to trust that we will respond to any of their needs. Blindly, kids trust us parents in so many ways. Children do not think, 'Well it is probably a long shot that my mom will fix my cut knee so I'll just learn to cope and heal on my own.'

But that's what I did. I forgot God is here, RIGHT here (not abstractly, but literally) saying, 'Hey, come here. I've got you. I'm here to help. I'll hold you and love you through it.'

I was hobbling around with my cut knee, nearly faithless. I'm thankful to have a God that doesn't give up and will continue to pursue me until the end of my days. What a humbling, gracious thing.

From now on I've chosen to walk hand-in-hand with my loving Father. I have hope. I have trust. I have faith. I have it because he has never forsaken me. My God knows unwavering faith in Him and His works are never easy.

That's why He's a God who bends down every single day and says, 'Have faith. I want your trust. Now come my child, come with me.'





O'Ryan, just 2 days old, hand-in-hand with Daddy.


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