Wednesday, June 27, 2012
When you're 5 you think you can conquer the world with your superhero mask and cape. When you're 13 you realize you know more than mom and if they would only listen life would be a-okay. When you're 18 you know for a fact you're smarter than your parents and feel equipped to take on anything! Then when you're 27 you (hopefully) have been humbled by a few life experiences and finally understand no one knows sh*t, including you. I think we're all going in cycles of being know-it-alls then having the world stick out its foot to trip you up.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
It's a cycle.
(Or am I the only one in that cycle?)
Regardless, that's a pattern in my life. Just last night I told my husband how great is was I don't have to continuously bombard my three year old with "Do you need to pee?" all day anymore. Yay, go me! Rockstar mom! I thought. My current self sits here shaking her head. How naiive I was. Just 30 minutes ago, there I was, cleaning up a lovely pile of you-know-what from my son's rear. Tripped up. Humbled. Again.
So what really got me writing today is this "thing" I learned of recently and have been praying and praying and praying for. This news was one of those times the world put its big fat foot in my way and sent me (and many others) flying helplessly in the air off our safe, little path. I landed, off track and stunned, not sure what hit me.
Why? But we had it all planned out!? We know what's best, trust us.
This can't be right!
That's when the humbled part of me said stop right there and pray. My wise friend reminded me this was no surprise to God and we have to trust in that. And so we are. Except that part is hard. And many of us just don't want to (myself included). It's called FAITH. Trusting whole-heartedly with what you can't see. I can hear God's booming laugh right now as I tell him what I think is the best outcome.
Haven't we all been there as parents? You're small child whines, "But mom I promise I will still eat every single bite of my dinner if you just let me have those warm, gooey, browniesssss. Please please please! I promise!"
(Insert the booming laugh)
It's only when our children grow a bit older and wiser do they begin to understand why we did what we did. And said what we said. And parented how we parented.
With God, it's the same. Only after the storm do we (sometimes) understand. We finally say "Ohhh okay, that's why" or "Okay now I get it."
The rainbow shows up after the rain, right?
But let me emphasis the "sometimes." Because sometimes, and maybe more often than not, we never get an answer in this life time as to why certain things happen. That answer might be one God reveals only when we've made it to our final destination. But by then, will it even matter?
When my mind can accept that truth, I feel at peace. The kind of peace the Bible talks about that transcends our understanding. And let me tell you - it's amazing. BUT, like I said, it's a cycle. You think you know, then you don't. It's a good thing we all are tripped up at times because that's when we are reminded how much we need a Redeemer. A Savior. We need to continuously be humbled throughout our lives to have a real relationship with God. Throw pride, and knowledge and control out the window and kneel, hands open, before our great Father.
You lose your life to gain it, with God.
Last week I drove home from my doctor appointment, O'Ryan in the back, feeling proud of myself. There had been an emergency situation in the doctor's waiting room while we were there. My awesome self jumped up before anyone else to take control before the doctor stepped in. During the whole ordeal I stayed calm and sent silent prayers up to God. I handled that situation really well, I thought, as I slowed down at the red light.
I noticed a 50-something, scruffy homeless man limping past the stopped cars. On a high still from how I helped the lady at the doctor, I grabbed my last bill in my purse and rolled down the window. Right as I was going to say "God bless you sir" the man's eyes lit up! He exclaimed, "Wow! Darling you look like a glowing angel!"
Flustered, I thanked him. I saw he was wearing a rosary over his beat up jacket.
"Now you go to church right honey?"
"Yes sir," I quickly answered.
"Good. Good. Remember, Jeremiah 29:11! That's what keeps me young!" (or at least I think that's what he said) he told me with a joyous laugh.
I rolled down the back window so O'Ryan could wave to him and he told me to always do things that keep you feeling young. Wide-eyed, I said I would. That was it. He danced to the next car, laughing an infectious laugh filled with a joy that could only come from above.
Good going God, I thought as I shook my head smiling. Just a moment ago I had felt so sure of myself and trusted in my own thinking, words and actions. Ha! What a joke. There I was thinking I would help him. Not the case. God worked through my new friend to show me what true, real, blind faith looked like. That guy had so many things stacked against him and his situation. He didn't care! He had the unfailing love of His Father and that was surely enough for him. And how highly contagious his joy for life was!
Tripped up yet again.
And I am so so thanfkul for that.
Despite my dance move of one step forward and two steps back I tend to do, I am learning to view my dance a bit differently. It's beautiful actually. And meaningful. I see purpose. And growth. And an explosion of faith. Like my friend Tanya recently said, "Often our waiting room is God's work room." He can take the dirty, filthy junk in our lives and polish and scrub it clean. Then we are complete, needing nothing. That's where God can do His best work, in the messy, messed up parts of our lives. He takes a twisted pile of metal and transforms it into a perfect sculpture.
So, if you can, be thankful for your trip-ups. I believe with all my heart that's when God is up to something. And it's much bigger than our heartache or the fall.
Here on Earth we only see a stroke.
It's God, brush in hand, who is painting the most beautiful and loving picture we could ever imagine. Trust in His work. Because it's always perfect.
at 4:03 PM
Monday, June 18, 2012
I have so much to update you about.
My neck isn't having a good day so I'm not going to type much - just captions. Let me know what you think. This is summer through our eyes!
|My birthday dinner with friends.|
|Of course we've been enjoying the pool.|
|Beau has officially moved in with Eric at OU! Check out his bed Eric made. He looks in heaven.|
|His apt is nicer than my house!|
|Bought Hi Ho Cherry-O's. It was a fail. O'Ryan just wanted to hoard all the cherries in the buckets and kept crying because they wouldn't fit.|
|It wouldn't be summer without snoballs.|
|Or camping out inside.|
|Me, on a good day :)|
|Cookie monster chowing down.|
|We always take these pics and send them to Brett during the day.|
|This picture says WE LOVE SUMMER.|
|Play group at the aquatic center!|
|Showing his guns.|
|Clear blue eyes!|
|See how his eyes LIGHT up when Daddy gets home?|
|CHECK OUT my man and this pose/expression?!|
|Off to Lupe's with some friends.|
|After dinner, on the way to their new hot tub!!!|
|Ready to swim!|
|O'Ryan often uses the car time for deep thinking.|
|Off to church. Thanks B for putting up with all of my "here take a pic!"|
|Have I posted that we got a new couch? I love our living room now. You can't see it much but there's pops of my fav color, turquoise, in this room too.|
|And this picture says "I'm spent."|
|Us on Father's Day morning. Brett went fishing with his buddies off shore for Father's Day. He came back with red snapper and a VERY RED face. Boo. But they had a blast.|
at 4:46 PM
Friday, June 1, 2012
Memorial Weekend was spent at the lake with Andy, Aaron and their three kiddos. I'm not going to type much in this post since being at the computer aggravates my back and neck! So enjoy the pics of our long weekend. It was a GREAT one!
O had a great set up on the way to the lake. Unfortunately, this lasted only 10 min before an hour long tantrum arose.
O'Ryan was happy happy to be on the boat. He's wearing his Parrain's (Eric's) old batman vest. It was just yesterday Eric was wearing that.
Aaron, Kolt, Andy
The most annoying (and very LOUD) toy in the world!!!
O'Ryan loves Kadence
Dinner in New Braunfels along the river
Visiting the brand-new Bucees, the biggest one yet.
First family visit to the new Skeeters stadium for some baseball. I felt so grateful to be able to do all of this stuff with my boys! Last week's injections seemed to take care of a lot of my inflammation for a few days.
O couldn't put the popcorn down.
The stadium is pretty awesome. It's so much more than just a normal stadium. They have a POOL! Can you see the cool waterfall falling into the pool?
There's a HUGE playgroup on the edge of the stadium!
O and I spent most of our time here.
And yes they have a splash pad too :)
Riding the carousel!
Ending the day with dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse, which is also new in SL. It passed the taste test!
After dinner, a bit worn out from a long, eventful weekend.
The lake was fun but it's always nice to be back home.
Isn't this picture flattering? I had two rounds of facet injections the past two weeks. The procedure was not scary or painful at all. Probably because I was OUT. I decided I'm a big fan of anesthesia!!! The first round I received 7 injections in my neck, and yesterday I had 8. I'm SO SO bummed to say that the first round started wearing off on Wednesday, just 7 days after my procedure. I'm putting ALL of my faith in God for healing.
Just as Proverbs 3:6-8 says,
"Seek His will in ALL you do,
and He will show you which path to take...
then you will have healing for your body,
and STRENGTH for your bones."
Yesterday resting, icing, napping ALL day :)
There's a lot in this world I don't know. I don't know how I will feel next week. I don't know if my current doctors are the answer. I don't know how much more we'll spend on medical bills. I don't even know if I'll be here tomorrow. We're certainly not guaranteed it.
But I know this.
I move my life at a slower pace now. O'Ryan and I literally stop and smell roses every time we see some. I made a promise to myself I would. I soak in God's magnificent creations around me - the singing birds, the sun-lit leaves in trees, the blowing palms in my backyard. I am now stronger, wiser, calmer, kinder because of what I've endured.
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."
I have perspective.
Perspective is one of the most amazing gifts God has given me. What I previously viewed as ugly, dark and messy, I now see with clearer eyes as a beautiful battle that has pushed me to grow like nothing else. I feel more perfected! More complete! I need nothing! Just my Savior.
I have surrendered ALL. And my joy is complete.
That, I do know.
at 9:27 AM