Sometimes all you need to improve your sticky, whiny, rushed, back-breaking day is a dose of perspective. I just wish it was easier to swallow.
As I sit here smack in the middle of my day with 26 things on my to-do list, I am trying to hang on to a thread of perspective. My current read is a book called "When Did I Get Like This?" Written by a mother of three and author, she describes her early parenting years. The point of the book is that she does things (bribing her kids, feeding them junk and telling them fibs to avoid "The Talk") that she never thought she would do as a mother. When I see Orien drop a french fry on the bathroom floor then pick it up and eat it without intervening, I wonder "How Did I Get Like This?" Just a year ago I was Purrelling everything in sight. Am I a bad mom? Am I lazy now? Am I being judged? Pretty soon I'm feeling overwhelmed and judged and just plain tired. Reading this book helps me gain perspective on this stage of life. It won't last forever and some day I maybe even can write a book about it and laugh.
The author's kids are still young, but well on their way of becoming young teens.
She explains her hectic life from the other side of toddler hood...a place I find myself longing for. I know I should really be loving every minute of Mommy & Me time with my towhead little monster, but truthfully I just can't. I love him to death and would die for him in an instant, but realistically...every, single, day is a struggle! For instance today: I am hosting bunco tonight, Orien has strep throat and I am on the verge of getting sick as usual. Need I say more? Any mother knows a sick kid makes for a LONG day AND night.
But the point of this post is not to be negative (I just needed to vent for a minute). The point is to remind myself to keep a little perspective. I often repeat the mantras "This is Temporary" and "Just Breathe". Sounds silly? Sure. But it works...about half of the time. I know this moment, this day, this stage is all very temporary. And you'd be amazed at how deep breaths help you relax and start over.
I need to go even deeper than spitting out peaceful phrases while not feeling so peaceful. I need to realize how incredibly BLESSED I am to have a husband who can leave work a bit early to come help me. I need to remember how tonight will be light-hearted and fun once things get rolling, and remember how crucial girl nights like these are. I need to remind myself that I have a healthy, thriving little boy. That is sadly not the case for every parent. These are the things that bring me back to ME. I feel more balanced and sane after putting some perspective on my current situation.
Now that I've spent 30 minutes of Orien's short-once-a-day nap writing on my blog, I MUST go prepare for tonight! There's fruit to be cut and floors to be swept! But even if the house isn't perfect and the food isn't done on time, I know that I still have it pretty dang good. God has blessed me abundantly...But I still need a dab of perspective every now and then :)
Your post is so true. Just relax. Stop being so hard on your self. Us as women tend to try to do it all. Well the reality is...we can't. We are not super women. Just take it a day at a time. Every day will have different challenges. Embrace them. Your friends will not notice if your floor are not sweep. They don't care. They are there for the company. Love you and looking forward to seeing you Monday.
ReplyDeleteAwww Patricia... I am so proud of this post, only b/c I know you have been longing for the strength to post the "not always perfect." And it is definitely hard to fess up to the feelings we have when they aren't what we think they should be. But this post was real and getting it out can be theraputic for you, at least it can be for me. It allows me to work through my thougths and sift through the emotions that come with. Not to mention, I love digging into the realness of people. It makes you, you. And you are no less of a person or mother for it! No less and don't you ever forget it.
ReplyDeleteEvery woman is DIFFERENT. Some love the baby/toddler stage while others can't wait to get past it. But, each child poses their own set of challenges and what may be an easy and blissful time for one may not be for the other. I think this can be said for every stage of childhood and adolesence. Depends on the child {like my Dr. said though that I love, "no personality is a bad personality!"} and the personality traits of the Mom. They aren't gauranteed to mesh 100% of the time. This by no means makes you less then the next Mom, no less, not ever. Every experience one has will be different then the next person's. And there is no norm or right or wrong. As long as we keep loving our children and letting God guide us, we'll be okay.
What says so much is that there is no shortness of love and care for Orien. I know firsthand how great of a Mom you are to Orien despite the difficult stuff. You take amazing care of him and he is more then lucky to have you.
You are a smart gal and I know you have the tools to work through the hard times and nitty gritty. Keep keeping on and focusing on the blessings. You will get through anything with that perspective!
Love you always!!